Fear Is Not An Option

I got paid yesterday. 

Not a remarkable sum by any stretch, but the first time in many many years that I have been paid outside the confines of a 9-5 (haha) employment situation. 

And it felt good. 

This adventure of owning my own destiny, my own path, has challenged me to think differently about how I go about my day. I'm responsible for all aspects of this business which today meant figuring out EDD filings and what it all means while loading receipts into Quickbooks and, once those were complete, answering emails, creating a concept proposal all while maintaining my workload for a major project I'm contracted on. 

And then I did more follow-up with prospective clients. Which.. well.. let's face it, I never went into sales for a reason so asking for feedback on proposals and status updates makes me about as comfortable as people in Chicago this week (stay warm friends). But today, I presented a proposal revision which had to demonstrate that I've got it in me versus showing what I need to make it happen. A big difference between the inside and the outside - I'm not the only option anymore, I'll need to prove myself over and over. And it was scary to sit down and wonder if I still had it. What if my creative mechanism was stuck in 2011? What if I can't prove myself.
But, here's the thing: Fear is not an option. It's got a hard pass. I'm not going back in-house anytime soon. So I've got to make this work. This is beyond throwing my hair in a messy bun (although it is), putting on rap (it was classical today) and handling my business. This is about believing I can and that I will. 

Year 1, Month 1 is going well. I'm getting my sea legs. I won't get ahead of myself and start predicting global dominance or some such because, ultimately, I'm not even sure that's my goal. A solid business that allows me to thrive personally and professionally is all I want for now. I have untapped prospects yet to sign and am on track for my goals. The only thing that can hold me back is myself. 

Fear is not an option.